Saturday, August 20, 2011

Clarity did I find it?

I thought I owed my 2 readers :0), love you two, an explanation.


Around christmas I told you about my brothers addition to his brood.


I shared that it wasn't a great situation for a child to be in.


So my mom came back to school shopping with me.

While coming home after spoiling, a certain someone,


my mom shared with me that the baby has been in foster care

for quite some time.




To which I said, "wait come again


why


why


why


didn't you tell me when this happened?


She says she thought she did.


I'm inclined to think she thought it might hurt me.


Anyways.....


I immediately knew I wanted to try and foster and eventually adopt her.


I told Peter none of this.


I came home and started making phone calls


I looked in live birth records to find her.


I only knew a first name

Alina.


(I haven't spoken to my brother in at least 3 years


and we only have a contact for a friend whom can get a hold of him


the friend is also a drug addict


not a reliable source)


While camping I went and hid near the bathroom where there was reception


and made several phone calls.


I finally spoke with the head of family services.


She found the baby in the system.


She told me that if my neice, yes my neice,


is to become adoptable she would be offered to the foster family she has been staying with first.


She said it's whats best for her.


SERIOUSLY.


I'm her family you don't know me, how do you know?


My first offical day of work I spent emailing the head of family services.


She said that she forwarded the message to the babies social worker


and it is up to her to contact me.


No contact has been made.


I am baffled.




I know of children in the system who have been placed in homes


that were not safe


could not provide food

or love

because they are family.




I know there must be more to this story


something I am not privey to,


but I am at a loss.


Some good did come of this though.


I finally told Peter of my coniving plan.


Remember he is dead set on one child.


I expected a very colorful string of swear words


followed by a hell no.




He said,


"I would be open to that."


Guess I shouldn't underestimate my husband.


He said, "He fears an invitation to my brother to enter our lives."


"He fears raising a child that was probably addicted to drugs"


"He fears that this would be very confusing to Lily"


"Alina would have several brothers and a sister that would not be Lily's"


I would fear all these things too.





So for now I've given up on the idea.


Perhaps I'll get a phone call when I'm least expecting it.

Like I said I'm baffled.




I do have a feeling that if I was


related to the mother


I may be getting a different response.


My guesses are that either


A. She is back with her birthmother


or


B. My brother has physically abused the mother


which would make me a unlikely candidate to foster her


for the mothers safety.


What ever the case may be keep baby Alina


in your thoughts and prayers,


She needs them.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Clarity

I am grapling with a very very large decision right now.

I don't know if I will have any support in this decision.

I don't know if it is the correct decision.

It could potentially ruin my family

or

it could be the best thing that has ever happened.

So if your the praying type pray that I choose the correct path.

If your not the praying type throw some positive thoughts my way.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Blues~

Gloomy

I know it's the time of year

It's the month of blues.

It seeps in quite unexpected

every year.

I am never quite sure what has happened

but,

the feeling of meloncholy lingers.

Then something reminds me

and I think oh, yea that's right.

Things that normally would not bother me

shout loud and clear in my head

the state of my relationship with certain members of my family

my financial status

a change in time at a baseball game

(seriously?)

it ALL feels like too much.

Isn't that stupid.

Then I get mad at myself for not being

Over it!!!!

It shall pass it always does.

Just bear with me :0)