Saturday, October 18, 2008
Doing okay
the start of this blog I let myself become a bit consumed by the unfairness of my own tragedy but I am doing better. I am feeling better. While I was pregnant two of my friends were also pregnant. The births of their children have been tests for my own healing. My second friend just had a son and it was okay news to hear. The bottom didn't drop out I didn't feel terrible or sorry for myself or particularly numb. So I am doing okay. I haven't seen my friends new little package yet nor have I heard details of her labor and delivery. I can say this conversation may make me slip a bit but I will be okay. The world is full of reasons to live and enjoy. I will be a part of the living and enjoying.
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HI there. Just wanted you to know that my sister found out she was pregnant about the same time I lost Rylie. She has the most beautiful son now, and my most precious nephew. It was hard at first and I was incredibly angry, but how could I not want to spoil the kid? I love Roman! Next, my sister-in-law got pregnant (a totally unfit mom) and I had to deal with that. She just had her son and I am extremely jealous. She doesn't deserve him! SO although I was expecting the 1st grandbaby on both sides of the family, that has been completely robbed from me. I am coping, but have angry days. Next, I was pregnant with a very good friend, due Feb. 2009. I made it to 17wks when I lost Gabriel. She continues with her pregnancy and I feel like telling her I don't want her in my life anymore. It will be incredibly painful to watch her baby grow when she is born...my baby would have been the exact same age. :( I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!
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