Monday, November 23, 2009
Thankful
It's thanksgiving so I can not help but think of my angel baby. I just want to say that there is not a day goes by that there isn't a reminder of her presence. I feel her in a warm breeze, I see her in a breath of cool air, she is here as the wind rustles the leaves, and the waves crash upon the beach. There is not a sadness or a longing anymore just a peace to know I was given a perfect angel. I will love my Luci until the end of my day. My last breath may whisper her name as I go to meet her embrace!
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Of course you will never forget her she was yours, no matter what. I also think about August 6th which was my due date, and granted I didn't make it very far it was the only time I heard a heartbeat for a couple of weeks and WAS pregnant after 5 times doing IFV and now over 7 year infertile, so that was it. The bad memerories, why is it always a holiday, were fun shopping knowing I was pregnant, but then goign back in with no heartbeat which quit Christmas day. So nothing like what you had to endure but still its a loss, and then finding out 3 years later that it was a boy is hard.
I just couldn't understand with all the medical knowledge out there why they couldn't put in some sort of amniotic fluid, we do all sorts of amazing things now, so I asked my friend who shares on the infertile road and is one that I can vent to openly, and she said she had read about the same thing happening where they did try and intervine without success. My heart breaks for you, but know for sure you are not alone.
Infertility is crap although I wouldn't change a thing now that we have Maya.
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