Sunday, January 17, 2010
Delusion
I've been having the delusion that I might try pregnancy again. It has been a thought caught in the breeze. It makes me smile once in a while to think of a could be. Part of my delusion comes from reading a womans blog. She also has a daughter born in Guatemala and she got pregnant started bleeding at the same point and now has the most beautiful baby girl. Her family is like looking at what my family could have been and it has peaked this renewed interest in walking a path I said I never would. So I came here and I read Luci's story (have you noticed her name has changed as I write this blog it's as if she is changing with me). I am so happy I wrote it down so happy she is here in cyberspace to remind me that no its not a path I will walk. I need to look at Lily my beautiful happy princess and remember that truly although I'd like her to have a sibling she is really all I need to make one complete family. We are the happiest unit of three on earth. People grow up to be happy individuals without siblings. Truth of the matter is I'm not even close to my siblings. So today I will let the whisperings in my head stay just that and be happy.
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Thats one thing about blogging, everyone is adding to their families and its so hard, even if we want the same its a tough road. A fellow infertile friend of mine thought she might have someone who would donate their embreyo's to us (they already gave them to research) oh but for that night the thought of being pregnant was there, even though it might very well be me that can't carry a child, we just don't know. Melinda's story was something that is for sure, I was so happy yet sooooo envious of her, all we want is another child without going into debt, and I would so love to breastfeed etc etc etc. Its a scray road to go down, and what I have found is it is hard enough if we get hurt but I dont' want to hurt Maya in the process, but I guess thats life. Good luck, just keep talking and try to find whats right, which always seems impossible when you dont' know the outcome, believe me I am there right now.
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