Nothing gained not much lost

Last week or maybe the week before I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. Had my hormones checked my numbers were really really good. Started having period like cramps on Monday. They went away by Tuesday. Felt nasueas all day Thursday. Thought that was a good sign. Went to the bathroom after work and was bleeding. Not to go into too much detail but there is a difference between old and new blood coming from ones uterus. The color is different. So what I have is old blood which is in theory a good sign, but with each miscarriage it has been the old blood, so for me I don't think this means much. I took another blood test on Thursday and my hormones are still doing what they are supposed to be doing. I have to tell you I'm not very optimistic. My 6 week appointment is on November 1st. I won't know anything more until then.
How I'm feeling:
We know this is not the outcome I was hoping for. I am obviously disappointed. However on the flipside I'm incredibly grateful. Having a loss before seeing a heartbeat is ideal. Having a loss in the first trimester is ideal. So I'm very much looking at the bright side. At this moment in time I don't know if this is the end of the road or the beginning. Meaning I'm not sure if I'll try again or scrap the idea. Time will tell.


I'll post an update on the 1st, but I'm not holding my breathe.