Happy New Year (almost)

Wow, am I glad to see this year leaving.  Was it a horrible year?  Actually, not really!  It was a year of change and new learning's.  It was a year of self discovery and a year of empowerment.  Really, this year was just an extension of the past three years.  It was an extension of the downhill race I started on when I sent my ex to rehab that propelled me, catapulted me really, on this path where I get to be who I was meant to be.  I thought the holidays would be horrible, but you know what, they were great.  I'm learning the saying, life is what you make of it, is so true.  These past 10 years I could have crawled under a rock and decided life is just too hard! 6 miscarriages an alcoholic husband are nothing to scoff at, but what fun would it be to crawl under a rock.  What fun is it to live in a funk.  I can't change the past I can only move forward.  It's really the only direction there is.  I get to make 2015 whatever I want.  It will be my 40th year on this earth and there is not a single reason to make it anything but fabulous.  Will shit happen? Absolutely!  Will I struggle?  Probably!  Will I still be happy?  Why the hell not!

So what made the holidays great?  Well first off they happened on my terms.  I got to buy what I wanted!  I got to go where I wanted and spend them with whomever I damn well pleased.  No one was looking at their watch waiting to leave.  L spent Christmas eve with her dad.  They went to his parents house.  I was so fabulously, gloriously, happy I didn't have to go!  I didn't have to spend my day in their cigarette smelling, sour food dwelling!  I spent my day shopping and wrapping and then I went with my best friend for dinner and drinks.  It was perfection!  After dinner I picked up my girl we put out milk and cookies and went to bed.  Christmas morning her dad came over for breakfast which was mildly painful for me, but it was her favorite part of the day.  I'm glad I was able to do that for her.  Then we spent all day at my brothers house.  Once again no one checking their watch!

In other news I've started dating.  Something else I've thought would be dreadful, but really it's pretty fun.  I get to practice meeting new people! I get to dress up! I usually get free food and drinks.  Is every date wonderful certainly not, but it makes for some good stories.  I've decided it is pretty much for entertainment value.  I give them each funny names and they each come with funny stories.  I'm not looking for anything super serious right now.  I'm just having fun and being entertained.  L is not ready for me to date.  I realize L will never be ready, but I'm respecting that she needs time to adjust and heal and I'll give that to her.  So for now dating is purely entertainment. It is also me figuring out what it is that I want.  What my red flags really are.  My first internet date I met the guy at a bar.  The bar tenders knew him by name and he was drinking whiskey and ice.  He may have been a nice guy, but that date lasted 20 minutes and I was OUT as fast as I could go.  A red flag!!!!  On another date I went out with this super attractive guy.  HE WAS HOT! He spent that whole date talking about how he still loved his ex.  FOR AN HOUR!  Usually I'll offer to help pay, but not that time I charge for therapy buddy :0).  So you see you just can't take it too seriously and have fun with it.

Here's to wishing us all a very, very happy 2015!  Whatever happens there is strength in knowing it will all be OK!