Crazy Making

I am having a lot of trouble.  The temptation of social media is sometimes really intense.  Occasionally I have to remind myself who I am, what kind of person I'd like to be.  Sometimes it is my mantra over and over again in my head. He told me a few weeks ago he'd like L to meet his girlfriend of 6-8 weeks (by my estimation).  I told him it was really early on and could he please wait a bit.  He said no because they'd be moving in together in July.  I asked if he could forgo sleepovers until L knew this person well.  I didn't think it fair she slept in a strange house in a strange room with a stranger.  His response was of course.  L will know E very well before a sleepover happens.  L and I went to ice cream with the girlfriend.  The following Wednesday they had dinner at her house.  Those are the only meetings that have occurred.  Yesterday he asked if he could be late picking L up because he needed to run to his house and pick some things up.  I knew something was up so I said, "Are you and L not staying at your house?" He said no we are not.  I am so livid.  He gave me his word, but his word means nothing.  The well being of our child means nothing.  He is the only person that matters.  He only thinks of himself. Every time I try to reason with him that perhaps this is not good role modeling.  Perhaps this is not good parenting he tells me I'm mean.  Or my favorite "text me back when you're not PMSing."  I can't understand how I married this person.  This is exactly like when he was drinking.  He would yell at me about how crazy I was to deflect his immature behavior.  I am beaten, torn, splayed open on the floor.  I just want him to go away leave us alone.   Today is one of those days I wish I'd just walked away in the midst of his alcoholism.  Let him meet his own demise.  The thanks I get for saving his life is more than I can bare.  It's more than our daughter should have to shoulder.  I wrote the woman a letter regarding L. I told her about adoption terminology, attachment disorders, L's learning disability. I was gracious and kind.  Who knows if she got it.  Who knows if she read it.  I only hope she is kind and gentle and a better person than my ex.