A Year

As of yesterday it has been a year since P moved out of my home.  As of May 7th I am officially a divorced woman.  Funny story the piece of paper from the court came in the mail.  It came really, really fast.  Our lawyer told us that it would take 6 weeks to 3 months to reach the end.  When that piece of paper came in the mail it came 2 weeks after I signed the final paperwork.  So I just figured that it meant that the court had received my paperwork.  2 weeks later I was talking to my friend about being almost divorced.  She said what do you mean almost, you ARE divorced.  I said what do you mean?  She said that piece of paper you received that WAS the final paper.  Lucky she cleared that business up or I'd still be awaiting the arrival of my final document.  So 2 weeks after my actual divorce I got to celebrate!  I also turned 40 in the last few months.  40 just feels good.  It feels like this rebirth and this chance to start over.  To do stuff (life) the right way now.  Yesterday on the 1 year anniversary he texted me to ask if his girlfriend could have my bike.  I shit you not, that really happened!  My friend often tells me in the realm of dating,well, now you know everything you need to know.  Thank you P for reminding me that I DO know all I need to know about you!  Sometimes I wish I'd listened earlier, but I wasn't finished learning the lesson.  I'm not going to continue beating myself up for being a slow learner.  I'm much quicker now. I'm proud of myself for not having to tell him everything wrong with asking if his girlfriend could have my bike.  I'm proud of myself for not starting an argument.  I simply texted the word no. Then laughed for like an hour because the fact that he had the cahones to ask that question is really funny!  I'm getting better.  Less angry.  Less resentful. I allow him to affect my day much less than I did before.   

On the dating front:
I dated a guy for a bit.  He lasted 3 months.  He was nice, but not THE one.  I found myself not wanting to drop myself back into the dating pool.  I found myself wondering if I could hang on a little longer. It was nice to have someone to cuddle with and watch a movie with.  It was nice to have someone care how my day was.  I finally took the plunge and broke it off.  I didn't implode.  I'm OK with being solo.  I'm super happy with my decision not to settle.  In my 40's I'm going to do for me.  To live for me.  I'm going to get the big things right. This includes not sticking with someone just because I don't want to be alone!  Truth I'm not often alone since I have my girl most of the time.
Speaking of that, that makes dating kinda hard, but I truly would have it no other way.  I went through a time where I was resentful.  It just seemed so damn unfair that her dad gets to jet off to Monterrey, Tahoe.....where ever the hell he pleases each and every weekend with his lady love and I am here raising our child. Then I woke up to the fact that I have the biggest blessing on earth and he handed it to me.  I will never look back on my life and think gee I wish I spent more time with my daughter!  It is truly the biggest gift of my divorce.  If the right guy comes along he will deal with my lack of free time and understand that my child comes first.  He will actually love me for that fact.  All others need not apply :0).   
So I'm doing really, really great!  Oh and I decided that Lily and I must go back to Maui!  My friend her boyfriend and her son are going for the 4th.  They invited me.  It is really out of character for me to go.  I thought about being on this romantic vacation with a newly in love couple.  They are staying at a fancy resort.  I didn't want to pay for the fancy resort.  I almost let this keep me home.  Then I thought about the beach, the sunsets and sunrises, how happy my girl was in Maui.  How it marked the rebirth of my life last year, and I knew that I couldn't let silly things keep me away.  So Lily and I are heading back.  We are staying in a less expensive place and it's kinda like we are traveling alone and that is fine by me.  She is my sidekick and it is Maui and we will have a rockin' good time.  I'm proud of myself for doing something out of character!  After all that is what this year has been all about.  It has reigned nothing but good fortune on me!