Pain

I had the most enjoyable day!  I went to brunch with some new friends and out to dinner with an old friend.  I left both those places feeling at peace and happy and like things were going to be ok.  I got home turned on the tv and planned to relax and go to bed, but I got the phone call via facetime.  The one I've been dreading.  The mommy I miss you and I want to come home.  The why can't you and Daddy be together.  The I don't like this.  The I don't want to leave Daddy, but I want to be with you. The I've never spent 3 nights away from you.  Most of the time she held the phone above her face so I couldn't see it.  At first I did good.  I told her I was sorry.  I told her Daddy and I loved her.  I told her adults sometimes have problems they can not fix and Daddy and I would be living apart.  Every once in awhile she would put the phone in front of her face and I would see the heartbreak there.  God I want to fix it.  I want to make her whole again.  I want to take away the world that is causing her pain.   For the first 5 minutes I was strong for her and then I just cracked  and the flood gates opened and I started crying and she told me she was sorry and she cried too.  I told her not to be sorry that it was ok.  That I was ok.  That she would be ok too.  Right now I hate him.  With every fiber of my being I hate him. I hate him for putting me in a situation where I can not hug my baby when she's hurting.  I hate him for causing me so much pain, but mostly I hate him for causing my child pain.  Right now I want to make him hurt.  I want to make him hurt like I hurt.  I want to make him hurt for her.  Understand I won't do anything vicious or mean or vindictive.  I am a level headed girl.   Please send my girl happy thoughts and prayers she needs them.  Send some my way too.  I  need them too.